Why We Don’t Rush a Donkey: The Power of Choice, Trust and Connection

At Donkey EARS CIC, sometimes the most important thing we do is… nothing.

When someone first arrives to spend time with our donkeys, there can be an understandable temptation to get straight on with the activities. Grooming, walking, obstacle courses, feeding, taking photographs…

But we have learned that sometimes the most meaningful moments happen when we slow everything down.

We don't believe that a donkey should simply be expected to tolerate human interaction. Instead, we want our donkeys to be active participants in the experience.

And that means giving them choices.

What does choice look like for a donkey?

It can be surprisingly simple.

We might stand quietly in the paddock and allow a donkey to decide whether they want to approach us.

We might offer a hand to sniff rather than immediately reaching out to touch them.

We watch their body language carefully.

Do they move towards us?

Do they turn their head towards us?

Are their ears relaxed?

Do they remain nearby when we stop grooming?

Or are they telling us that they'd rather have some space?

These small observations are an important part of our work.

For the person interacting with the donkey, this can also be a valuable lesson: communication doesn't always involve words.

Learning to listen without words

For many of the people who visit Donkey EARS, communication and connection can sometimes be challenging.

This might be because of anxiety, neurodiversity, additional learning needs, social isolation or simply because life has become difficult.

A donkey doesn't ask someone to explain themselves.

There is no test.

There is no expectation to make conversation.

Instead, the person can simply be alongside the donkey and begin to notice what is happening.

"He's moved his head towards me."

"Her ears have gone forward."

"She doesn't want me to brush her at the moment."

"He's standing really close."

These observations can become a gentle introduction to recognising boundaries, emotions and responses.

Research into equine-assisted services has increasingly explored the importance of the interaction between humans and animals, including how participants respond to unmounted activities such as grooming, leading and navigating obstacles. One study found that participants generally reported pleasant moods during these interactions, while researchers emphasised the importance of understanding the human–horse relationship rather than viewing the animal simply as a tool.

A donkey can teach us about boundaries

Imagine approaching someone you've never met and immediately giving them a hug.

We wouldn't normally do that.

We would look for signs that the other person was comfortable first.

Donkeys deserve the same consideration.

At Donkey EARS, we encourage participants to think about:

"What is the donkey saying?"

rather than simply:

"What do I want to do with the donkey?"

That subtle change in thinking can be incredibly powerful.

It moves the experience from doing something to an animal towards building a relationship with another living being.

And the benefits aren't just for the person

Choice matters for the donkey too.

Animal-assisted interventions should consider the welfare of the animals involved, not just the outcomes for people. Research into equine-assisted services highlights the importance of monitoring how animals cope with their work and ensuring that their welfare remains central to the activity.

This is particularly important to us at Donkey EARS.

Our donkeys aren't equipment.

They aren't there simply because they are cute.

They are individuals with their own personalities, preferences and boundaries.

One donkey might adore being groomed.

Another might prefer a quiet walk.

Another might be particularly interested in investigating someone's pockets!

And sometimes a donkey simply isn't in the mood.

That's okay.

The unexpected lesson

Something wonderful can happen when we give people permission to slow down.

A young person who was initially anxious might stand quietly beside a donkey.

Someone who finds conversation difficult might begin talking spontaneously about what the donkey is doing.

Someone who has lost confidence might successfully lead a donkey a few metres.

An older person who feels isolated might spend an hour laughing while grooming and chatting.

And sometimes nothing dramatic happens at all.

Someone simply stands beside a donkey, strokes its neck and takes a few peaceful breaths.

That is enough.

Why donkeys are particularly good teachers

Donkeys are often described as stubborn, but we prefer to think of them as thoughtful.

They don't always respond immediately to a request.

They may stop and assess something.

They may decide that they don't want to do something.

And rather than seeing this as a problem, we can use it as an opportunity to ask:

Why?

What is the donkey noticing?

Is there something unfamiliar?

Are they unsure?

Are they tired?

Are we asking too much?

Or do they simply need more time?

Working with a donkey can therefore teach patience, observation and flexibility — qualities that are useful far beyond the paddock.

Recent research into donkey-assisted interventions is beginning to support this wider picture. A 2025 systematic review found promising evidence for improvements in areas including emotional regulation, communication, social interaction and self-esteem, while also emphasising that the existing evidence base is still relatively small and that better-designed research is needed.

Sometimes connection begins with giving space

Perhaps one of the most important things our donkeys teach us is that connection cannot be forced.

You can't make a donkey trust you.

You can't demand affection.

You can't hurry a relationship.

You have to be patient.

You have to observe.

You have to listen.

And sometimes, you have to take a step back.

That is a lesson that applies to human relationships too.

At Donkey EARS CIC, our aim isn't simply to provide activities involving donkeys. We want to create opportunities for people to connect, communicate, develop confidence and experience moments of genuine wellbeing — while making sure our donkeys are happy participants too.

Because sometimes the best way to connect…

is to stop trying to make the connection happen.